Shyness

What is the best way to overcome shyness?

This question was posed during a session I did to help a class of soon-to-be massage therapy graduates build their business.

As I thought about the question, I realized that it isn't so much about storytelling as it is about focus. I could easily make a case for shyness being related to the stories we tell ourselves as we catastrophize about the potentially embarrassing or humiliating outcomes that sometimes keep us from initiating conversations with strangers. For many of us, there is truth in that possibility. However, the bigger issue is focus.

When you are feeling the most shy, where is your focus?

If you are completely honest, you know your focus is almost exclusively on you. That is important to know because your brain can't focus on two things at the same time. It has to pick one. Given this, one of the best strategies to overcome shyness would be to put the focus outside yourself. Become an observer. Notice the people around you. What kind of day are they having? Are they relaxed? Happy? Pensive? Frustrated? Peaceful? What is their body language communicating? Do they look closed? Open? Approachable?

The more you open yourself to the feelings and experiences of others, the more likely people will find you approachable as well.

Whenever your thoughts wander back to you--as they always do--think about the knowledge, experience, wisdom, and expertise you have to share. Imagine how much richer the other person's life could be for knowing you.

Use this approach next time you are feeling shy. Shift your focus and start observing the people and world around you. If nothing else, it will create a much more solid, confident foundation for the conversations you will be ready to initiate. Like anything worthwhile, this may take some practice. As a wise person once said, "Don't confuse simple with easy." Give yourself permission to make mistakes.